Although the majority of this was written over a year ago, it holds a special place in my writings because of later circumstances that greatly affected my life. The original version of this verse was printed on numerous memorial prints for the friends and family of Jason Williams since it was a verse that he enjoyed, and was written with him on my mind.

I still have a flood of emotion from his death which was a year ago today, but I find that on top of the loss and regret there is also a deep sense of joy and gratefullness. Since Jason's death the Lord used those circumstances to work in my life more than most will ever know, but could never deny.

With Jason in mind, I revisited the verse below and have changed it to reflect the changes in my own life that were sparked from his death. As I mentioned earlier, this verse was originally written with him in mind, and it seems prolific in nature that I change portions now with him on my mind again.

Retrospect Revisited

On the rocky shores of youths barren wasteland, I found myself dreaming in the vast space of time and reality that lies between my ears. In retrospect I view the past as a moment in time with nothing but the future ahead and the wind at my back. I can hear the memories as they blow past and smell the carnage of the wasted days and nearly insufferable nights.

Although clearly I know how it all should have went, it can no more be changed than this that I have become. It was the path of fate and the desire of my Lord that led me here and it is the same path I must continue to follow. Is it of my own accord? Did I seek to destroy everything that I feel so that I may feel nothing? No, that was not my fate. Only the illusion of facing the future makes the path seem traveled. This path has never been tread, but I don't walk it alone. My Lord is with me. Many roads will I cross, which I take towards my destiny. It could be no other way.

Cling not to this life, for it is merely an audition for an eternity. Do not forget the path you travel lest you circle around to it again. Live for Lord and tommorow but not for the day you hope it will be, for tomorrow can not be known till it becomes yesterday. Only know that it is part of the Lord's plan and it's outcome has been designed for his Glory.

Missing ya brother,

I stand amazed as I look outside. Spring has sprung and this time of year God's visible majesty is rarely more radiant. In everything I see, the Artist's signature is always there. Always evident, and always comforting. Within us all, there is an appreciation for the beauty that surrounds us.
To the obedient, it is God's presence that comforts us. Like standing in the sun on a spring morning, the brilliance warms us on the outside and the peace within gives usa hint of the blessed hope that we so diligently seek.

But as a sinner there are those times when sin, like a cloud that passes between us and the sun, seperates us from that brilliance. As the light is blocked from the cloud, so is the sin seperating us from our creator. When you are used to that warmth and peace, the lack of it is unbearable.

Little do those that are lost realize but hope, no matter how small is within them. They recieve it from the same source as I do. They just fail to accept more of it and bow to it's majesty. That hope keeps them going, it is there in there deepest dispair. If only they would seek out it's source.

There will be a day when we all will stand before the source, the blessed hope filling them. The comfort abounding. The peace overwhelming. The perfect good that is our God. Few will continue to dwell in what can only be described as nirvana or bliss in our blessed hope, but sadly there are masses more that will not. In the Divine Comedy, Dante wrote about the Hell. Over the gates, he wrote that there is a sign that says "Abandon all hope, you who pass!". I have to say however that when you stand with in the presence of God you know what that blessed hope is and how perfect love could never be more true, you will not need a sign to tell that you have lost it. The moment you sent out of God's presence and you no longer feel him, you will have already abandoned all hope.

To be seperated from God for a moment is hard. To be seperated for an eternity, would be an unbearable burden beyond my grasp. Within us all there is atleast that glimmer of hope. Within the expanse of the universe there is a majesty that we can see. And when we stand in the Son our blessed hope will abound. Seek the source, go find that blessed hope. Like the still small voice that Elija heard from God, you will never hear it over the wind unless you get close.

Fruit Trees

Genesis 2:15-17 And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

Back in the Garden, Adam and Eve were set up to live out life in paradise. They had the perfect relationship with God. The only restriction they had, was not to eat of the fruit of the "tree of the knowledge of good and evil". Then in comes the serpent into the picture. "Eat of the fruit" he says "You surely won't die." God is just trying to hold you back from being as wise as he is." So she took the fruit and ate it and then after, so did Adam. Original sin.... We were poisoned.

History repeats itself. We find ourselves today standing in front of another tree. This time, the fruit that was hanging from that tree was our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. To be free of that original sin, we need to eat of his fruit. (John 6:53) .Now, in comes the serpent again and asks "Do you really think you will have eternal life?" "Surely you will not live forever?" "Knowledge is good." "Live for the moment, go enjoy the world." This time, it's not only acceptable to reach for the fruit and eat it, it is necessary.

Knowledge of Good and Evil.... From that moment in the garden, mankind knew the difference between right and wrong. It is something embedded into our hearts. When we fail to do the right thing, it is sin. The punishment for it, is an eternity seperated from God. There is still a paradise at stake. We were poisoned to keep us out, but Jesus is our antidote. Then only antidote, for there is no other way to the Father except through him.

X marks the spot.

Matthew 6:19-21 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: 20But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: 21For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

When Jesus was still with us here on Earth, he woke us up to a many number of things. Throughout time, some things have never changed. The search for power, glory, domination and money are timeless. With our sinful nature, these things will always be in the true nature of our being. Jesus taught us that all of the things of this world will pass. Nothing will remain behind not even the Heavens and the old Earth. Seems kinda pointless to worry about wealth here on Earth. We can however build up treasures in Heaven.

Apryl has a Great Grandmother (Alva) that is still living. She has lived a wonderously full life, and walked with God through out it. There are times when I look at her, and watch her moving around. I see the pain of her arthritis, the frustrations of requiring others to help her to simply walk but most importantly, I see the love she has for everyone around her. In John 13:34, Jesus says "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another." When I look at Alva, it is obvious that she lives by this.

I truly try to love everyone that I know. Sometimes it is more difficult to show that love and interact with them, but I can honestly say that I do love them and want to be with them for all eternity. I truly abhor the thought of not having even one of them for all Eternity. (I pointed out the scripture so they couldn't deny me...) Although it has taken me some time to see things for how they really are, I now know what my true treasures are. It is the Friends and Family that I have, and love. THEY are my treasure!

Think about those that you count as your treasures, and pray for them. Pray that they too will be drawn to God and recieve eternal salvation. Then when we, like Alva, get old and gray with most of our friends and family having passed on, we may truly understand Matthew 6:21. "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

Eternal Hunger

In all four of the Gospels in the New Testament,is the story of Jesus feeding the 5000. (Matthew 14:13-21, Mark 6:30-44, Luke 9:10-17 and John 6:1-15)

The multitude, having heard about the works that Jesus had done, sought him in the Desert. Jesus had come to this place with his disciples for some rest but the multitude followed him. When Jesus saw this multitude of people, (about 5000 men, perhaps with their families), we read that he was moved with compassion and healed thier sick and preached to them of the kingdom of God. Once this was done, Jesus took 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish and distributed them out to the men to feed them. Once the men had eaten, Jesus told the disciples to pick up everything that was left over. There were leftovers, about 12 baskets full.
Although this was truly a miracle worth repeating, there is more to the story. Jesus did more that day than offer them bread and fish to fill their stomachs, he offered them the Bread of Life. After being "Moved by compassion" our Lord and Savior was there healing the sick, and preaching to them about the Kingdom of God (Luke 9:11). Feeding them, was only something that he did afterwards.

What a lesson for life that is. We have people begging for our help all the time. Being Christians, we should follow the example that Jesus gave us. If someone comes to us hungry, we should not only feed them but show them how they can seek the Bread of Life. If they come to us Thirsty, we should not only give them something to drink but also show them how they can seek out a Fountain springing up within them that is the Living Water. If they need clothing, we should not only give them something to wear, but show them how they can seek to be clothed in Rightousness. If they come to you poor, give them money but also show them how to seek the their own treasures in Heaven. In Matthew 25:40, Jesus made it pretty clear. "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

Hebrews 13:11-13
"11The high priest carries the blood of animals into the Most Holy Place as a sin offering, but the bodies are burned outside the camp. 12And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through his own blood. 13Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore."

When Jesus was crucified on the cross he bore the price for all of our sins, past and present, not one being overlooked. I am not saying that he bore only the sins of those who choose to follow him. He bore all of the sins for each and every person. This gift, by his grace, he gives us freely. All we have to do, is accept it.

In the days of the Old testement, the Jews were required to make offerings as atonement for their sins. This process as described in Leviticus, included one practice that I want to point out. When an animal sacrifice was brought forth, the person making the sacrifce had to physically place his hand on the animals head. This ensured that the person making the sacrifice had a personal relationship with the animal that was becoming your sin. No one else could bring this sacrifice to the altar for you. YOU, had to have that personal relationship.

Today, nothing has changed in regards to that sacrifice. Jesus was our sinful sacrifice. He too seeks our personal relationship. All we have to do is reach out for him. No one else can do that for us, it is all up to us. Your salvation is at hand. It is the perfect Gift from Jesus. Allowed only by his sacrifice and our personal relationship with him.

Galatians 5:19-25 (KJV)
" 19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, 20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, 21Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. 24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. "

After being threatened by death in the previous verse, in Luke 13:33, Jesus said "Nevertheless, I must walk to day, and to morrow, and the day following:". An eerie premonition of the mission towards his resurrection that Jesus was on. He was out doing his Father's business and was at that time heading towards Jerusalem for the Passover. At the same time that Jesus was walking towards Jerusalem, so also were many other Jews (the entire Jewish nation) traveling there also for the Passover feast, and to offer their sacrifices at the temple.

Jews came to Jerusalem for the Passover so they could not only Offer the Lamb of the Passover as a sacrifce, but also to make any other necessary sacrifices for atonement and thanks. These sacrifices were brought to the Temple, and then handed over to the Priests for the rituals on the Altar. When any of the "Blood" Sacrifices were made, all of this blood would be spilt upon the altar by the priests. Once the sacrifice was done, either the priests or their helpers would then pour water across the altar, to wash away the blood. According to writings in the bible and other sources, the blood would then flow down into the Kidron (Cedron) Valley below the temple. From there, the Kidron Valley stretches all the way to the Dead Sea. Year after year, the sacificial blood would keep flowing down that valley. Atonement never complete.

After the Last Supper, where the disciples had prepared the Passover Meal, Jesus laid aside his garments and washed his disciples feet. Peter asked Jesus in John 13:9, "Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head." In John 13:10 we read "Jesus saith to him, He that is washed needeth not save to wash his feet, but is clean every whit: and ye are clean, but not all." (not all referring to Judas). In verse 7, Jesus told them that they wouldn't know what he was doing now, but they would soon enough.

After Jesus had washed the disciples feet, he lfted his eyes to heaven and prayed for us all (John 17). He prayed that God should not yet take us from this world (verse 15-20) but to instead keep us from Evil, to sanctify us through his God's truth. For just a little longer, were we destined to continue in the world. Jesus however would soon be crucified so that we might be able to be saved.

When Jesus had finished his prayer, he walked towards the Garden at Gethsemene at the foot of the Mount of Olives. Now during this walk, Jesus had to cross the Brook Kidron (Cedron) John 18:1. This is just speculation, but I would imagine that when Jesus crossed the Kidron Brook, he would have looked down at the blood stained waters that flowed down the valley. All of that blood. Blood from Sacrifices of Atonement. Blood from countless Passover Lambs/Goats. All flowing down that valley. Staining the rocks and carrying away the sins of the people while it made it's way towards the Dead Sea. Don't think that Jesus didn't know what all off that blood signified. Don't think that Jesus didn't know that all of it was to no avail. Unless he continued to the cross, blood would continue to flow down that valley forever. He walked on to Gethsemene...

After being arrested, Jesus was ultimately led to Ponteus Pilate. In John 19, we read that he was scourged, a crown of thorns placed on his head and then mocked and beaten as he was brought back before the Jews. Now, to be scourged in those days was nothing to take very lightly. The amount of damage done the the human body during a scourging was commonly known to kill a man. That scourging along with the thorns gouging into your head would produce large amounts of blood. Being brought back before the Jews, they finally provoked Pilate to have Jesus Crucified. From that courtyard, Jesus (walking) carried his cross to Calvary. All along the way drops of his blood falling to the ground from the wounds he had already recieved. Then raised up on a cross that Jesus was nailed to, the last of our saviours blood ran out onto that hill.

I find myself standing at the foot of that hill. Looking up at his cross and suddenly realizing that his sacrifice was for every man, even me. All of the sin that I have comitted placed him on that cross. He went there for me.... for me...

I look back behind me and all I see are my bloody footprints from where I trampled (Hebrews 10:29) this man underfoot for so many years. Looking down at my hands I see all of the blood of others on them. The blood of the lost people I have known were lost, and just silently passed by. (Ezekial 3 and 33). Like Peter, I not only want my feet washed, but my hands and head while he is at it. (John 13:9)

Look behind you guys. Are you Walking in God's path, or are you trampling the son underfoot and leaving the bloody prints? That innocent man did nothing to deserve his agony. But thank god that through grace, he did EVERYTHING on account of our inequity to preserve us.

As we have read in Galations 5:25 "If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit." Just like Christ, we too must walk in the way of the Spirit for "today, tomorrow and the day after" and all the way untill our deaths or till our ressurection.